He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
