i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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