.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
