i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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