sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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