If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
