Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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