ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
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His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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