jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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