she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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