I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
