I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
