Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
