I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
