Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
third nipple confirmed
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
