I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize