i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
