Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
