He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
