take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
