Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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