OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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