think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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