i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
