When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
