thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
