ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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