I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
