I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
