Sponge bath it is.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My pussy is not your playground.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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