I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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