Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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