I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
