Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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