I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
