I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
