He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
