I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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