i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
