New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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