Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
