I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
