just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
