I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
