So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
