If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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