Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
