eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
