Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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