Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
