it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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