I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
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Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
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After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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