i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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