so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
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She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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