There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
