I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
