I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
