Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize