let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Boobs speak an international language.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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